When the person you love the most feels so far away.
I know that relationships can sometimes be extremely challenging (I’ve been married for over 30 years). When you’re in the midst of an argument it can feel hopeless, and sometimes you can’t even imagine a path through your conflicts. But no matter how bad things are, every couple has its strengths. In couples therapy, I focus on what binds a couple together - not what's tearing them apart.
Building emotional intimacy
Date nights are fun, and putting more sparkle into your sex life is always a great idea. But date nights are not enough. There has to be a reason to stay together as a couple. In Couples Therapy we will work together to help you:
Reconnect as a couple
Rebuild deep feelings of trust and emotional intimacy
Rediscover a sense of meaning and purpose to the relationship.
Trust + Vulnerability = Emotional Intimacy
Trust and emotional intimacy are at the core of any successful relationship. We have to feel safe with our partner in order to open up and have the deep emotional connection that we all crave. But building that safety can be hard. Some of us come to the marriage having been deeply hurt in the past, and this inhibits our ability to fully open up to our partner. And for others, conflict, betrayal, or loss in this relationship makes it difficult to trust and feel the safety needed to open up and be vulnerable with your partner.
Building emotional intimacy is at the core of Couples Therapy. We work together to re-establish that deep emotional connection that drew you to each other originally. And then we work together to heal the wounds that have built barriers to feeling loved and cared for.
Download my 5 Simple Steps to More Emotional Intimacy
Healing a Sexless Marriage
Couples often find that after a few years, their sex life begins to wane. This is very common. It is not just a problem with more mature relationships, I’ve worked on this issues with young couples too. You can have a sexless relationship in your twenties.
A decrease in sex can cause tremendous friction in the relationship and hurt feelings on both sides. And to make things worse, this is a VERY difficult topic for most couples to talk about. They can fight about it, but they can’t really talk about it. Typically, both sides typically see the decrease in sex as representing a lack of desire.
“She loves me, but she no longer desires me sexually”.
“He likes his hand more than he likes me”.
And the feeling that their partner no longer desires them, or that they no longer desire their partner, is very painful and very sad. But in most cases, the decline in sex is not about a decline in love or a decline in desire. It’s about a loss of emotional intimacy. Stresses in the marriage or stresses in life often make the couple begins to feel less emotionally connected. And, as they feel less emotionally intimate, they begin to feel less connected sexually. The solution is not to spice up their sex life. The solution is to build more emotional intimacy.
Click here to read my blog post: What causes a sexless marriage?
Surviving Infidelity
Nothing can tear a relationship apart like infidelity. This may be from a sexual affair, an emotional affair, flirting, the use of pornography, or any other way in which one partner feels their trust has been betrayed. At its core, the pain of infidelity comes from a profound loss of trust.
It’s important to know that infidelity does not have to mean your relationship is over. Many relationships not only survive the infidelity, but they can also grow stronger through the experience. But, moving forward together requires hard work on both sides. It isn’t an easy process. But it is possible.
Click here to visit my Surviving Infidelity page.
Emotionally Focused Therapy
I utilize EFT, or Emotionally Focused Therapy, as my primary approach when working with couples. I like EFT because it focuses on getting couples out of that excruciating cycle of repetitive arguments and resentments. EFT works to rebuild the deep connection couples had when they first fell in love.
FAQs
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Don’t come to couples therapiy if you’re not serious about working on the relationship and willing to change. Couples therapy isn't about getting your partner to change, its about changing the relationship by both partners changing.
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I use what’s called “Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy” (EFT). EFT is known as the most effective form of therapy for couples, and research shows that the vast majority o couples feel that EFT has improved their relationship.
In my experience, my clients begin to feel better within 6 - 8 weeks. If you're not feeling better by then, we'll talk about whether this is the right kind of therapy for you, and whether I'm the right therapist for you.
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The three most common issues that bring couples to therapy with me, include:
Lack of sex in the relationship
Lack of emotional intimacy
Infidelity
Frequent and destructive fighting
Dealing with a major life change
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The partners learn how to have difficult conversations.
That means they learn to share their innermost fears and feelings with their partner and are willing to listen to their partner’s feelings.
That sounds easy, but it can take a lot of work.
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Older couples face unique challenges in long marriages. They may get along great and live together happily, but feel like roommates instead of lovers. Or a pattern of bickering may set in that robs the marriage of its joy. Couples therapy can help the older couple feel connected and loving again. Read the article: Sex after 60: Focusing on Intimacy vs Intercourse
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My fee is $210 for each 50-minute session. I do not take insurance, but I can provide you with an invoice to submit to your insurance provider. Depending on your plan, my fee may be eligible for your out-of-network benefits.
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